Boundaries
“Since coaching with Shelly I’m now parenting my teenagers with more confidence. I’ve learned to set boundaries and I no longer doubt my decisions. I’m having more fun withe less “attitude” than I’ve had before. I can see big changes in the way n 2 teen-age sons respond to me by using the tools Shelly taught me. -Client, M.T.
12 Signs of Healthy Boundaries
What are Boundaries and what do they do? Boundaries are the means you know who you are and aren’t. Boundaries are the key to how we deal with:
- Loneliness
- Stress
- Challenges
- Intimacy
- Conflict
- Anxiety
Setting Personal Boundaries Personal Boundaries regulate distance and closeness. They allow you to experience vulnerability in connecting with others, and at the same time, boundaries protect your deepest self from outside intrusion that exceed your limits.
Boundaries are a necessary ingredient in every type of personal growth. Boundaries are central issues to:
- Feeling connected
- Letting go of past events
- Working through hurt feelings
- Resolving conflict in relationships
- Finding enough time
- Ending addictions
- Taking steps towards your goals
- Trying new things
- Making sustainable friendships
- Enjoying life
- Independence
- Love
- Success in work and family
Healthy Boundaries Healthy personal boundaries are not meant to be a fence of protection against everyone else, rather a permission slip for you to live, love and risk creating the life you want. When you are clear about your boundaries, you are free to try new things because you know your limits. You trust you can keep yourself safe, so moving outside your comfort zone isn’t so scary. Boundaries tell everyone around you that you trust yourself and raise for self-confidence.
Boundaries in Relationships Boundaries are most recognized in the context of relationships. When you bump into an uncomfortable situation, and your red flag goes up, a boundary has been crossed, or needs to be established. Again, boundaries are not punishments or fences against other people. Boundaries are safeguards for you to keep your inner person intact.
How do you know when you need a boundary? Most of the time, our boundaries are created by your past experiences. You establish inner rules to avoid conflict from happening again. These silent contracts may not even be in your own consciousness. Any time you feel rocked off center, it is time to figure out which boundary was crossed, or what boundary needs to be created.
Signs that tell you a boundary needs to be created, or enforced are when you find yourself:
- Complaining
- Telling the same story over and over
- Judging
- Manipulating
- Avoiding
- Hiding
- Aggressive
- Resenting
- Blaming
- Unforgiving
- Revengeful
